Parents working as a team, even if divorced. Go to God for the best guidance in being an impeccable steward for your children

I understand how divorced parents undermine one another through their children. For example, I have one parent saying the son ought not have to follow through with an expectation because it isn't reasonable. But instead of coming to the other to share discontent or try to find an alternative solution, this parent falls into the "splitting" trap. Now there is division and the youth has a better chance of getting what he wants, albeit unhealthy. Parents are split and he knows it.

With divorced parents, this can be a great way to get back at the other or have a dysfunction run unchecked . A deep desire to cast an unfavorable light could be the underlying motivation. Even when parents are still married, sometimes "getting back" at the other can present and thus influencing the parenting process with their children. The opportunity, however, for those that remain "intact" parents, can learn how leadership that is unified creates for a stronger family and teach their children about healthy collaboration.

This is true to any kind of relationship where there is the dynamics of leadership and followership. Whether a business setting or a family, having leaders or parents in this situation calls for a unified direction. Parents or leaders need to voice their opinion and recommendations. However, once parents come out to their children, the kids need to see a secure representation of direction.

So if you are divorced, check inside to see if there is some maliciousness or some other kind of neediness present. Get with the other parent and talk about what is in the child's best interest. Remember not to fall on the sword for something that isn't worth it. You may end up agreeing to disagree. But walk out being one voice the best you can. Your child will feel more secure and thwarts unhealthy patterns that could play out in future adult relationships with your child.

From a faith perspective, a full surrender of heart and mind to God can be wonderful. First, it surrenders to God that which is God's to begin with. Your role is now more being a steward for your child instead of working power struggles or acting unhealthy patterns out.

Second, we come to know God more intimately. I can't list out all the times where I felt I was cheated or I had the feeling I was going to be rejected if I wasn't liked. But when I surrender and ask God what is being asked from me, I open to other possibilities that I know are from God and not from my woundedness.

I encourage everyone to stop for a moment and investigate what is the motivation for what they are about to say. Does it come from a place of wellness and humility or is it about protection or getting even? If it feels like love even though it will be tough for you to do it, it probably is in alignment to a deeper truth. Everyone wins in the long run because it is for and of God.

Kindly, James