Blessings in Disguise: A Resilient and Defiant Child

You may have a or know a parent wrestling with a willful child. If the child is in the adolescence stage of life, as seen in drug use, alcohol, active sexuality, a disbelief in God, poor performance in school, or just argumentative with authority, understand how lucky you are!!

“Lucky!?,” you may exclaim. Yes lucky because you are being blessed with an opportunity to know God more deeply. In our culture, this probably is like most of humanity, we prize and reward compliance. It’s our herd-mentality. It’s a characteristic of the glue that maintains a society. Without some of it, chaos ensues. However, there are certain souls who express themselves which challenge the rules of the herd. The collective doesn’t make sense to them. How they are being socialized and acculturated solicits a feistiness that is truly a blessing. This is easier stated when it’s someone else’s problem and not ours. However, these young people who wrestle are another form of an angelic presence. “Ya, right!,” might be the thought but, yes, angelic. For God uses all things for His good and these kids are His children.

In my view, when kids are rebellious, have a major illness, or something dramatic happens that cause us to stop our current way of living, they deliver a message from God for us to stop and listen. Recently, I have a parent who is so frustrated with their child. The young man has a history of substance abuse, poor school performance, and hanging out with the “wrong” crowd. He doesn’t believe in God and can’t stand the other kids in youth group. The kid isn’t following what would seem as a healthy track and reverting to some distancing types of coping patterns. The young boy is confused and frustrated. The dad, is frustrated too. “Why is he so hurtful!” or “Why can’t he just talk about what is happening!? Unfortunately, the boy can’t because he doesn’t have the language nor concepts to communicate and understand what is happening with him. Nor does the parent for the parent has not walked through this terrain himself.

This is where I see God’s divine presence so wonderfully revealing. For God is asking us to come to Him for accepting what is, surrender what will be, and to submit our self to God’s will so that we, as adults, can have God’s grace move through us. Life can move along smoothly for a lot of folks. But when you have a resilient child who is throwing your whole family situation into chaos, it doesn’t feel like a blessing. It feels crazy-making! But this reveals our secretive nature to be in control of God instead of the other way around. I know when I am frustrated and angered, these become the perfect cue to submit to God and ask to take the burden I feel, to grace me with the wisdom to do His will, and to accept what is. Sometimes the process can offer a little relief. However, when I truly and fully surrender, I know an exceptional peace. In that peace of know and being aware of God, I can move mountains. Not the ones apart of the ground but the ones that are an illusion: the made up kind. The kind that says “if he doesn’t do this, he will die!”

Not to be flippant but your child will die. It is God’s grace that defines the method and timing. Some kids commit suicide, (3rd leading cause of death with adolescent males). Others take on such risky behaviors that it could lead to peril. All we can do is our best to help our children be responsible, accountable, and to be curious about the Sacred. It is the Sacred, however, that will make the experience. I so appreciate how parenting a risky child can be extremely overwhelming at times. We become angered with poor decisions. Hurt when they reject us. And we can feel scared as we consider where the track is leading in their lives. However, we have to come to our faith to be the best we can. And often we need help or assistance from others. (A neat parallel: we ask for help from others, which teaches us to ask for help from God and vice versa.)

What I encourage parents to do is to submit their lives to their faith. To listen deeply to what their soul is revealing. Moreover, to surrender expectations to accept what is. This doesn’t mean we don’t work. I am not referring to nihilism. We can gain directives and a focus on how to support our child. But it is the quintessential tone inside us that feels like we are doing God’s will even though we may be scared or worried. But we must be obedient because we know it to be the right thing. Just make sure you are working from a Truth and not some form of distortion. If you are not sure, check inside to see if there is peace and love and compassion. If so, you are on the track.

Remember you are only given the stewardship position of a child. They are NOT yours to own. God gave you the privilege to have a child and to support that child to know God. You are not in control of the whole process but given responsibility to raise the child. God made you and your child. But you are still God’s child, just as your child is so.

I wish you profound congratulations for having the blessings of a resilient child! For that child is a messenger from God giving you the opportunity to know Him in greater depth. If you choose to see the blessing, you will be offered opportunities to practice, to seek Him out, and to listen for guidance. Surely, you will make lots of mistake. That’s why God is God! However, you are given the stewardship role to raise your child. Have faith in Him and he will reveal His grace and glory to you. As you experience and know it without trying to thump it into your child, your son or daughter will feel and see the face of God through you. Your job is to be clear and submit to His will. Best form of leadership is leading by example.

So if you have a difficult child situation, count yourself lucky. But if you don’t heed the call in seeking out God, you will live a hell. My hope and prayers are that you hear God’s whispers in your child. It will demand that you listen and let go of what you think should happen. God is working in his child, your child, and in his other child, you!